Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Best and Worst Kisses

Throughout millions of romantic stories people have witness the perfect, fairytale kisses that seem to bring out romance regardless of how the rest of the story has played out. Many people tend to overlook a kiss as either a beginning to more physical interaction or an ending to time spent together. It may be of interest to some that a single kiss can have such a lasting effect on a person that it can completely change their feelings towards an individual.

How can a kiss be so important? In our society a kiss represents something that can be even more personal than having sex; the style and manor in which a kiss is carried out indicates a great deal about the person. While some of the signals sent might be interpreted in different ways by different people there are many that are commonly assumed and for that reason can be helpful, or harmful in a romantic encounter.

To begin with a kiss does not start when two people press their lips together; the build up to that moment will often affect greatly how the kiss is perceived. Many different kinds of feelings can be felt just before the moment a kiss takes place; from hearty laughter to a very revealing admission, these kinds of stirrings can change the way a kiss is felt and later remembered. Setting the scene and knowing when the opportune moment comes for that perfect kiss can be difficult. In many cases what is intended is not what takes place and as a result some awkward head bumping or accidental placement can occur. It is important, especially for a first kiss, to go in slow and make sure that the person you are about to kiss seems willing. There are signs that will allow you to gauge whether or not a kiss would be welcome and if you take this moment slowly, you are given the opportunity to change your mind if you become aware of some negative results approaching.

Some of the most opportune settings:

  • Right after sharing a good laugh
  • After something meaningful has been revealed
  • During a romantic movie or situation
  • After an argument has come to a conclusion
  • During a highly emotional or passionate moment you share
  • After sharing or receiving good news
  • After an exciting, perhaps even dangerous, experience
  • During a moment when you feel especially connected to the person
  • When saying goodbye

Once you have decided that the situation is right, the next step is to make sure the kiss is right, not only for the mood, but for the person. There are many different types of kisses that are appropriate for different situations. For example: If choosing to kiss during a romantic moment you may want to, at least begin slowly and gently. An aggressive kiss at the wrong moment may prove to be complete turn-off even when a kiss is welcome. On the other hand, when sharing a moment where both you and your intended are experiencing high adrenaline rushes and a great deal of emotional excitement a more aggressive kiss may prove to be the very thing. Though it may seem difficult when trying to plan for the right kiss, often the moment and interaction create a clear path to the right choice as long as you are careful enough to read the signals that the other person is giving you. For those especially difficult situations when you may not be sure it may prove useful to rely on a few standard types of behavior that indicate a person is ready to be kissed:

  • Moving closer to you
  • Touching a part of you that is perhaps not sexual, but intimate
  • Staring into your eyes
  • Touching their own lips because they perhaps hoping this will make you notice them
  • Leans towards you in such a way that it would make them easier to kiss

If after paying very close attention you still feel unsure about how you should proceed you can always ask the person in a clever or especially romantic way. Many women especially find this question both endearing and respectful and it may prove to be the very way to assure that you are heading in the direction with your relationship.

Few things disrupt a wonderful date more than a terrible kiss and those truly horrible ones are well remembered. Not only does a terrible kiss often indicate that any other physical activity might prove to be less than satisfying it also sends a message out of incompatibility. An awkward moment does not necessarily ruin a kiss and can be circumvented with good humor, but this requires a great deal of sensitivity toward the feelings of the other person, in short, you must pay attention to their physical reactions. It can be difficult to prepare for a kissing disaster as each person is unique, but there are a few styles which are commonly regarded as less than desirable:

  • Too much tongue: Remember that when the time is right your tongue can be a welcome part of the kiss, but there is no prize for attempting to shove it in the other person’s mouth. Some people seem to get too excited during a kiss and in doing so, get far too aggressive with their tongues. This style is often a turn-off and completely ruins any physical attractions that were taking place. You may have heard this referred to as “how does my stomach taste” or “trying to lick my stomach.” In either case, not a very attractive image for most people.
  • Smashed: People often press against each other when sharing a very passionate kiss; in some cases a person may even hold the neck or face in their hand(s) during the kiss. During these types of kisses it can be easy to become overwhelmed and to forget that you now have the other person’s head trapped between your face and hand. Pushing too hard with either can turn a kiss from passionate to claustrophobic in seconds and may even get a semi aggressive push back from the other person.
  • Peck: Often during the first kiss people tend to be a little nervous and this can result in a quick movement that has almost no passion or feeling and only achieves the goals of your lips meeting the other person’s. If you feel that uncomfortable kissing the person it may help to wait until a time when you feel more at ease rather than to make a disaster of your first physical encounter. A quick peck on the lips can indicate that you do not desire the person greatly and may even send the impression that you are not physically attracted to them at all. Make sure that if you are getting a negative reaction from this kind of kiss that you follow it with either another kiss that is a little more tender and romantic or some other form of physical contact to reassure the person you are with.
  • Can’t Breathe: Always remember how ever well the kissing is going to allow the other person the space to breathe. If you plaster yourself to the other person’s face and do not allow for tiny breaks in the kiss where either of you can draw breath this may result in an uncomfortably loud snort or intake of breath through the nose which can seem comical. Though this may not greatly affect your future relationship as in many cases it will be amusing, it can destroy a passionate mood.

Always be sure that you allow yourself to adapt to the other person’s style of kissing so that together you can find a middle ground. Most people agree that throughout their relationships they learned many different ways to kiss and some were liked far more than others by different partners. Be sure to remain aware of your partner’s reactions to any physical move that you make at all times; this kind of attentive behavior will help to make you a better kisser and in doing so, a better lover for the rest of your life.

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Sunday, February 14, 2010

Communication Breakdown in Relationships and Dating

  Few things can destroy any kind of a relationship faster than poor communication skills. Whether you're out on your first date with a new person or in a long-term relationship, it is vital that your ability to express your thoughts and listen to thoughts of your partner be the very best you can manage.

  Why is this so important? Because every time you are misunderstood, or misunderstand it has the potential not only to hurt your relationship, but to alter the perception you and the person you are interested in have of one another.

  Excellent communication skills are not only hoped for, but expected in most areas of life. Relationships and romance are no exception. Understanding what might be causing your difficulties in communicating with other may be an excellent place to start for those experiencing problems in dating or relationships.

  How You Communicate:

  Learning better communication skills is an advantage for any person looking for romance ideas. Whether you're hoping to keep your relationships casual and want to know to show those signs of attraction, or you're looking for something more like a soulmate, these skills are important.

*    Origin: There are those who have a difficult time expressing their thoughts. When pushed they may find that they become flustered and when left alone simply forget. In order for another person to know, like and perhaps trust you it is necessary for you to give them the opportunity to know you. Without expressing the thoughts in your mind you allow those you meet little insight into the type of person that you are. While mysterious can sometimes be exciting, eventually most people just find it to be frustrating.

*    Style: The larger your vocabulary, the more words you have to choose from to sculpt the message you hope to communicate. It is important not only to be able to call upon these words when you need them, but to feel comfortable doing so. Finding the rhythm in your speaking patterns that allow others to respond is also an important part of speech. Those who communicate too little are often unclear, while those who drone on and on may lose the focus of the focus of the other person entirely.

*    Expression: Eye contacts and body language are a large part of communication and may be saying more to your dates or partner than you realize. Being unable to maintain eye contact when talking often causes the other person to feel left out of the conversation while certain types of body language may indicate a wide variety of other wrong messages. Recognizing that certain facial expressions communicate certain messages is also vital to conversational skills. When making a joke, for example, if you fail to smile your date might not be aware that you are trying to express humor, which can turn out very badly.

*    Alternative Methods: Those who choose flirting online or text dating may find that their normal communication skills must be slightly altered in order to send he right message. It is important to remember that texting or typing does not display mood, unless emoticons or punctuation are used correctly.

How Other Communicate with You:

  The ability to listen to others in such a way that they know you are focused on them is an extremely attractive trait to most people. Few people enjoy being ignored by a person who is supposed to find them attractive, or might possibly be in love with them and if this is the signal you're sending the response may be less than enthusiastic.

*    Physical Responses: When your date or partner is talking with you the ability to show that you're listening through body language and facial expression may truly allow them to feel that you're interested. Be sure to maintain eye contact and give the appropriate smile or frown when the subject calls for it so that your social partner knows that you're paying attention.

*    Verbal Responses: If you get the sense that your ear is needed, but perhaps not your opinion you may be tempted to simply sit back and say nothing at all. This is often not a good way to help a person feel at ease when sharing their thoughts with you. Though adding in too much may not always be welcome under certain circumstances, it is polite to give responses that show you attention is completely focused on the conversation.

*    Opinion: In some cases you may agree emphatically with your date or sweetheart and in others not at all. In any stage of courtship poor manners are often a sign that you are not interested and too disagree in such a way that you appear to be rude or thoughtless will often send this message directly. Also keep in mind that those who are too opinionated when a person is simply letting off some steam are often unwelcome in the conversation. Remember that at times your romantic partner may simply need your support, just as you at times may need theirs.

  If all else fails one of the best ways to better understand how you are coming across to those who you hope to, or already have a romantic relationship with it can be helpful to ask someone close to you to help get the root of the problem. Solving any flaws that don't allow your true personality to become known due to mistakes or misunderstanding, may greatly improve your ability to communicate with others and in doing so the romantic life you've been hoping to achieve.person feel at ease when sharing their thoughts with you. Though adding in too much may not always be welcome under certain circumstances, it is polite to give responses that show you attention is completely focused on the conversation.

*    Opinion: In some cases you may agree emphatically with your date or sweetheart and in others not at all. In any stage of courtship poor manners are often a sign that you are not interested and too disagree in such a way that you appear to be rude or thoughtless will often send this message directly. Also keep in mind that those who are too opinionated when a person is simply letting off some steam are often unwelcome in the conversation. Remember that at times your romantic partner may simply need your support, just as you at times may need theirs.  

  If all else fails one of the best ways to better understand how you are coming across to those who you hope to, or already have a romantic relationship with it can be helpful to ask someone close to you to help get the root of the problem. Solving any flaws that don't allow your true personality to become known due to mistakes or misunderstanding, may greatly improve your ability to communicate with others and in doing so the romantic life you've been hoping to achieve.

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Saturday, February 6, 2010

How to Have a Productive Argument

Anyone who has been in a relationship has had their fair share of fights; frustrating and exhausting and too often ending in pointless anger. While you and your partner may always disagree about certain issues it doesn’t mean that you can’t have a reasonable and productive discussion. Following a few simple and easily managed steps maybe able to help your crossing thought patterns and who knows, perhaps even make you feel a little closer.

The Weight of the Problem: Often arguments begin over the most ridiculous topics, even simply misunderstandings; it’s important to remember not to make a big deal out of a small issue. Though discussing how you feel about any issue, big or small, is important, throwing an absolute tantrum of a small problem put far more of a strain on your relationship then is necessary.

The Right Time to Talk: Waiting until a particular habit or action has driven you crazy before mentioning it is often a huge mistake; equally as frustrating can be blurting out every word that pops into your head simply because you feel angry. Though it won’t always be possible to delay your discussing of the problem it is certainly better to take a few moments to calm down so that you can express your thoughts clearly.

Both Sides of the Issue: Especially when feeling frustrated it may be quite difficult to see your partners’ side of the issue, but if possible it can greatly help in your understanding of the situation, especially when the argument is a complete misunderstanding.

Slinging Mud: Though it is wickedly tempting to throw out all sorts of names and accusations, especially if you feel that they will help you to win your side of the argument, in all likelihood you will simply delude your true point and cause your partner more distress. Keep in mind that though it might feel good at the moment, calling your partner names won’t solve the problem and you might just say something you deeply regret later on.

I Feel, you Feel: It might sound a little corny, but how you phrase your sentences can have an enormous effect on the frustration level of the discussion. Rather than stating the he, or she said, or did something that you do not approve of remember to tell them that you feel that they say or do the things to which you are referring. What is the purpose of this phrasing? Simply admitting that you might be mistaken in how you have perceived certain situations can relieve a great deal of tension. When people feel that they are being attacked, even just verbally, most tend to become defensive and angry.

Know when to admit that you are wrong: When in the middle of an argument it can be particularly difficult to admit that you have made a mistake, but the importance of such words can have an incredible impact on your ability to communicate with your partner. In many cases, admitting that you are fallible will help your partner to do the same.

Sorry is Important: You probably already know how important it is to apologies for your mistakes, but knowing how and when can at times be difficult. For example: if you have repeated made the same mistake and continuously have arguments about it, apologizing is a good start but you need to show your partner that you are working on it, rather than just talking about it. A small gift or token of how you feel about your partner can at times be a lovely way to show that you really put some thought into your regret; which in meaning is often more important than the value f the gift. Never apologies dismissively or with an angry tone, it doesn’t mean much of anything to anyone; wait until you are able to say it calmly and directly to your partner. In certain cases explaining your side of the mistake is also a necessary part of the apology, understand why the situation came about will help put your partners’ mind at ease.

Repeats: Most couples who have shared a home together for a significant length of time share routines and as part of those routines they tend to have the same arguments again and again. These repetitive fights can make both people in the relationship feel exhausted and as though their thoughts are not being communicated successfully. When discussing something with your partner that has been an issue in your relationship for some time, try to break the normal routine of fighting; changing your surroundings, how you speak, even offering a drink or snack prior to the discussion can show your partner that you not interested in fighting so much as making progress.

Forgive and Forget: Some issues are too painful to forget and while many people try to overcome these kinds of difficulties for the good of their relationship, time can’t always extinguish so much as diminish painful memories. If you are the partner who is dealing with something painful remember that you agreed to move forward and try to forgive; using this past incident as ammunition in a fight can not only hurt your partner but you as well. If this painful memory simply won’t be dismissed, it might be time to reconsider what you are capable of forgiving. Don’t be too hard on yourself, after all you were the victim and you can’t help how you feel. If you are the partner that made the mistake, remember to have patience with the person you hurt; the issue may come up at the most inconvenient times, but as with most poor decisions the honorable thing is to take your punishment without retaliation toward the victim.

Reassuring Actions: During even the most horrible argument a little reassuring can go a long way; remember that your partner is not the enemy (or certainly shouldn’t be,) and that despite the anger you feel now, you respect and love this person. If the moment is appropriate, saying a few words about how much you care for your partner can deflate a lot of tension between you.

Compromising you Temper: Whether you can keep a cool head, or are quick to heat up, showing your partner that you care enough about them to remain calm and focused when they speak is important. The words you are hearing may compel you to interrupt, shake your head even make strange, frustrated noises; often this implies that you are either not understanding what your partner is saying or you won’t give them the chance to explain. Without listening, your chances of making progress are slim to none; remember to give your partner a chance to tell you how they feel.

Small squabbles, or bellowing battles, you can not only discuss touchy issues with your partner, you can do it without destroying the time you spend together. A little time and patience, learning to listen to and understand your partners’ side will help you progress not only through, but past these difficult periods of your relationship.

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