Sunday, September 27, 2009

Finding the Romance in Your Life

Many people assume that the romance in a person's life only fades if that person has settled down with another and life has become routine, however this is not always the case. While it remains true that for couples who have been together for a number of years the romance may at times be stretched a little thin, there are many singles who suffer from just such an absence.

What is romance? Many different ideas can be considered romantic and while there remain several that spark immediate recognition in our society, others may only be considered such by a select few. Such obvious icons as flowers, candy and jewelry are quite commonly amongst the most well known, but for some a particular plastic token may prove to be the most romantic symbol in the world.

Though not exclusively defined by an experience a great deal of what people consider romance to be is shaped by their relationships. An unexpected moment in which nothing particularly romantic was taking place can end up being the most romantic experience of a person's life. On the other hand, the ideal set up of a romantic dinner, flowers, wine and music can sometimes fall flat and end up being a terribly boring event. It is not surprising to find that when asked, most people describe their most romantic moments as having to do with something very personal and perhaps unique to their situation.

For those that find that even after a series of dates the romance seems to be lacking in their life it may be important to take a look at how you define romance. Perhaps you have been watching for the wrong kind of traits in others, making assumptions based on a general idea of romance rather than your own. It may also be that you haven't yet discovered what you find to be particularly romantic and you may need to bring out that adventurous spirit within to explore the possibilities.

Many people experience some difficulty with romance in today's society because of the changing symbols of what define men and women. While it is fairly common that some men may experience difficulty when trying today act in a romantic way, today we find that there are women who feel equally as embarrassed. Because the general idea that romance is more of a female desire than a male one has become common it can be confusing as to why certain women shy away from it, but the solution in this case may be more easily accomplished than defining the problem: if you want romance, don't worry about what others may think, this is between you and your sweetheart.

Allowing the general perception of others to influence your heart will not only often lead to disappointment, but in many cases will fail completely. You may be able to pretend you don't seek romance, but the pretense will not make you happy.

Though there may be many definitions of romance there are certainly some very common components which may help or hurt the flow in your life. Many romantic stories often include a great deal of drama and suspense which help to create an intensity that is coupled with a feeling of desire. These feelings often diminish overtime and are the common cause of romantic situations becoming less frequent.

A very basic and common example of fleeting romance: Waiting for that phone call from a new love interest can be very difficult and can make a man, or a women experience intense feelings. When the phone call comes, many people experience a rush, combined with relief. This confirmation that the person on the other end wants to speak with them is comforting and exciting. In later years, after hundreds, if not thousands of phone calls have been made; they are not often treated with the same enthusiasm.

Why is this? Because they have become comfortable not just with each other, but with the safety of knowing that the phone call will come. Without doubt, there is no suspense and without suspense, drama may disappear, though most people hope to end up in relationships which this is absent it can also hurt the appearance of romance.

After discussing some of the reasons for which a person of any relationship status may be experiencing a lack of romance in their life, you may be well on your way to creating solutions. It is possible to reflect on what brought romance into your life in the past and find some very creative ideas that may help to bring it back; however if you find that understanding the problem does not present you with h any workable solutions a few basic tips may be handy:

Couples:

Make use of romantic language when appropriate; phrases like "my true love" or "my darling" can seem a little silly when in a normal situation, but when the mood calls for it they can be very endearing to hear.

Surprise your sweetheart with a passionate night together or an outing that is not only romantic, but perhaps nostalgic. Break the everyday routine and add a little mystery to the event by whisking your partner away to a surprise location.

Remind the object of your affection of your devotion by letting them know what special qualities make them the only one for you.

Announce your love to the world by sending flowers, gifts or sharing a sexy (but legal) public display of affection; this can help to heat things up between you.

Change the scene by getting away together without family or business and explore a new location together, this may help to rekindle some forgotten, youthful personality traits.

Singles:

Take a chance on an unusual candidate by allowing yourself a little adventure; never neglect your safety to achieve a little spice in your romantic life, remember that you can try new things without having to go overboard.

Be bold when heading out with friends on the dating scene; while not overstepping the bounds of expected social behavior a more confident and aggressive attitude may help you to feel more passionate about your dating life.

Try a new way of dating by making use of the technologies and programs of our time. Flirting with a stranger may be just the thing to get you in a more passionate mood; try making use of online dating sites where anonymity allows you to freely express your romantic, passionate feelings without getting involved in a serious relationship.

However you choose to ignite those flames of passion that allow romance to sweep through your daily grind, be true to your own nature and don't be afraid to let your adventures side come out and play. Remember that most people experience a period (or several,) of time in their lives when romance seems just out of reach. Romantic situations may not be a part of what makes up each day, however with a little effort you too can experience this kind of passion again.

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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Online Dating: Bring a Friend?

In the real world most people head out to a place in the community where they hope to find others who could possibly hold a romantic interest for them, but they do not often go alone. Whether it is at your local community center or a raging trendy bar, often members of both sexes bring friends for support.

When dating online, many people tend to feel that they are in the process alone, perhaps because sitting at a computer is more often than not a solitary function, perhaps because they still feel that certain perceptions of online dating demand that they do not share the process with even their closest friends. While certain conversations held online might be very private indeed, a great deal of the process can be shared with a close friend and person that you trust. Why would you want to enlist the expertise of your buddy? Simply because, just like in the non pixel world of dating sometimes it is helpful to have a friend by your side.

Testing the Waters Together: If you and a good friend both have an interest in dating online going through the process together can make it a little easier and sometimes more exciting. The ability to share your experience when setting up a profile and navigating a new community with a person you trust can make everything a little bit less intimidating and often more exciting.

An Honest Description: Reviewing your friend's profile and allowing them to review your own, can be an excellent way to get around both insecurity and embellishment as your friend knows you well enough to write about the true you; some find it very helpful to have a friend actually write their profiles for them as this will likely be an honest reflection of how others will perceive you.

A Question of Taste: For many people, especially those who have themselves struggling with relationships, it is likely that your close friend has a good idea about what kind of person you would enjoy getting to know. If you trust and value your friend's opinion asking them about what kind of person they believe would suit you best can be an excellent way to narrow down a selection of candidates. Often people become blinding by qualities which will not necessarily make for a happy relationship; in these cases having a friend to rely on for ideas can be a great way to avoid old pitfalls.

A Second Opinion: Again, certain conversations you may want to keep to yourself, however showing some of your correspondence with a new romantic interest with your friend, is often good for an honest look at how that person is coming across. Having an outside point of view that you trust can at times reveal details that you missed. Allowing a person who you know has your best interests at heart to size up this new relationship can allow you to feel more comfortable proceeding in the relationship and it can be fun to share the romantic or sexy details with someone you trust.

Warning Lights: When enlisting the help of a friend you gain the perspective of a person who is objective and less inclined to feel emotionally attached to the person whom you have developed an interest in. This outside point of view can be very valuable in detecting those people who more than likely would end up being a poor match for you. While you can't leave every detail up to your friend, sometimes you simply have to follow what you feel; knowing that you have a person to keep watch for anything suspicious can be a great comfort.

A Gentle Push: Many people have great difficulty in expressing their thoughts and feelings, especially with strangers, in this situation being able to discuss certain issues with a friend before you bring them up online can help to better prepare you for the conversation. Taking the time to reflect upon the opinions your friend shares with you about certain topics can help a great deal in eliminating some of the insecurity and frustration many people feel when asked about their lives.

Making it Real: Often people tend to feel that even a well developed online relationship is far away or unreal in some way; before you take the step of meeting a person in real life, involving a friend, even in a small way, in your budding relationship can help to make it a more real part of your life. If you choose to take your relationship to a more real feeling level by talking on the phone or using a webcam; a friend's participation in this step can also be of great help. Allowing your romantic interest to meet your friend through either of these communication devices can help both of you to feel that the relationship is progressing to a more real and familiar place.

A Friend's Blessing: Though it may not be essential to a good relationship, having your friend's approval and encouragement can make the experience a better one. When a person you trust gives their blessing about another person who is new to your life it is common to feel more positive about the situation and more hopeful. Including your friend in your new found happiness is a wonderful way to bring another person, who may someday be just as important, into your life.

Whether it's keeping you honest, forcing you to express yourself, advising a little caution or encouraging you toward a happy relationship; having a buddy by your side to help you through the online dating process can be a wonderful way to keep you strong, cautious and optimistic.

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